First Frost
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Chapter 30
Being Loved Passionately
Disclaimer : This is strictly a fan-translation. The writer of this blog does not own this story, or profit from any part of this translation.
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There were many things that happened in the past which Wen Yifan could barely remember.
Wen Yifan wasn’t one to reflect about things of the past,. But whenever she did, she could remember every memory that involved Sang Yan – every scenario, every detail. It was all crystal clear.
Especially what happened-
She felt her heart skip a beat.
Zhong Siqiao was still chatting away in front of her, saying, “I was classmates with Cui Jingyu and we always heard about Sang Yan from her. Our class barely knew who he was but because of her, everyone knew almost everything about him.”
Wen Yifan listened to her quietly, the corner of her lips slightly turned up.
“Hey, why aren’t you answering my question? It’s already been so long, we’re just casually talking about it,” Zhong Siqiao redirected the topic back on track. She half joked, “Let’s not say you liked him, were you at least touched? Or favour him a little?”
“…”
“If you’re not gonna say anything, I’ll take it you’re admitting it.”
Wen Yifan finally spoke and said in a serious tone of voice, “Sure.”
“I can take it that you admitted it?” Zhong Siqiao exclaimed in surprise when she heard what she said. “Are you for real?”
Wen Yifan laughed, “What’s with your reaction?”
“You liked Sang Yan before?”
“Yeah.”
Zhong Siqiao was too stunned to speak. She had the impression that Wen Yifan didn’t care since she had been quite unenthusiastic about things.
“So, do you still like him?”
Wen Yifan smiled, “You said it yourself, it’s been so long.”
“Well, you guys are living together now, are you?” Zhong Siqiao said as she gradually got more excited. “You see each other every day, every night! You even shared mutual feelings towards each other! What would you do if the old flames get fanned again?”
When she heard this, Wen Yifan softly said, “That wouldn’t happen.”
“Hm?”
“He’s about to move out soon.”
Zhong Siqiao simply added, “So what you mean is, if he stayed longer, your feelings will fester again?”
“…”
Even as an outsider, she felt that it was weird and asked, “So why didn’t you get together with him back then?”
Wen Yifan didn’t give an answer.
“Was it because you transferred schools?” asked Zhong Siqiao. “And you guys lost touch?”
“No.”
“Then, why?”
Silence.
The noodles they ordered arrived, and Wen Yifan passed her a pair of chopsticks. She lowered her eyes and didn’t answer Zhong Siqiao’s previous question but said, “I’m not sure if other people are like me.”
“Hm?”
“I was told by my dorm-mates in university that I was too superficial with my relationships,” said Wen Yifan. “We were quite close before, but I seldom took initiative to connect with them and once we graduated we lost touch. I think they were quite upset about this because they thought I was being quite heartless.”
Wen Yifan blinked, “Well, I actually admit that.”
Zhong Siqiao opened her mouth, but said nothing.
“It’s not that I don’t care, but I’m just too lazy to maintain the relationship,” Wen Yifan said and took a bite of noodles. “Just like Xiang Lang. Once he left the country I barely spoke to him. I wasn’t really upset about it too.”
“…”
“I feel that… It’s just quite a natural thing to happen.”
“You’re right,” said Zhong Siqiao. “You don’t have to care about what others have to say.”
“I know this is an issue I have. Simply put, I’m just too unemotional?” Wen Yifan said with a laugh and brought up the previous topic, “My feelings towards Sang Yan at that time was that-“
She paused for a moment. It sounded hypocritical to her ears, but she said it anyway.
“He’s someone who needs someone who would love him passionately.”
There wasn’t an example she could give.
But at least someone like Cui Jingyu during their youth.
Being open about their feelings. Allowing him to be the sole reason for their joy. Being bright-eyed and passionate while conversing with him.
“That’s why,” Wen Yifan paused, “It wouldn’t be someone like me.”
“Why’re you putting yourself down so much. You’re pretty, you have a good temper,” Zhong Siqiao frowned in disagreement. “He might just like the way you are.”
Wen Yifan remained silent for a bit before changing the topic. “I met my aunt a while back.”
Zhong Siqiao let out a sound in surprise. “When was that?”
“About two weeks ago,” said Wen Yifan.
Wen Yifan had never been the kind of person who would voluntarily speak of things that made her unhappy. Zhong Siqiao never really knew what the woman had gone through when she lived with her uncle and aunt. She just knew that it wasn’t a pleasant experience.
That’s why Zhong Siqiao didn’t know what to say.
“When I first moved to my uncle’s,” Wen Yifan moved her chopsticks, but didn’t grab anything and continued, “I overheard something my aunt said one night.”
“What was it?”
“When my cousin brother was in his third year of senior high, my aunt would boil herbal tonics for him to drink at night,” Wen Yifan breathed out a small laugh. “Once, I heard him say, ‘I don’t want to drink it, let Ah Jiang have it’.”
“…”
“And my aunt said,” Wen Yifan’s voice became softer. “Shuang Jiang doesn’t need to have such good things.”
Zhong Siqiao was in shock and got mad. “‘the hell, is your aunt mental?”
“Initially, I thought nothing of it and didn’t put it to heart,” Wen Yifan’s voice was still calm.
“…”
Wen Yifan was never one to argue with others.
So when she had heard it, she’d thought that it was weird and somewhat funny. Growing up, she was treasured by her family and received a lot of love. Her parents used to give her the best of everything.
She’d never heard these kinds of words before.
“But it got weird. I started to ponder over what she’d said. Because at that time, I was…” Wen Yifan thought about how to continue the sentence, and eventually said what was on her mind. “I was just a burden that people passed around.”
“…”
“It’s true that there was no need to provide me with better things.”
“Dian Dian,” Zhong Siqiao sighed and reached out to pat her head lightly. “Don’t take those words to heart.”
“Thinking back, I don’t think what she said was right,” said Wen Yifan. “But I would see the clothes that cost a couple of hundreds, and the cakes that costs some tenners, and I would play with the thought of purchasing them. And yet I’ve never had the heart to do it.”
“…”
This mentality had accompanied her throughout the years and had long taken root, becoming a part of her.
She wasn’t suited to have nice things.
Obviously, she had no right to deserve the best.
Including that dazzling young man.
“It’s not that I can’t afford it,” Wen Yifan laughed a little. “I just always feel like these kinds of expensive things, like the dresses and the cosmetics… It feels like a waste to use it on me.”
Zhong Siqiao looked at her quietly and felt upset for her.
On the surface, Wen Yifan didn’t seem to have change a lot from the past.
But in actual fact, deep down, she’d change a lot.
“Don’t listen to your aunt’s bullshit. Her brain’s full of trash, it’s all nonsense,” said Zhong Siqiao and decided to drop the unpleasant topic. “Let’s talk about him.”
“…”
“Are you sure Sang Yan isn’t interested in you anymore?” asked Zhong Siqiao. “Don’t you find it weird? With a personality like his and the fact that he’s not financially restrained, why would he choose to rent a shared unit?”
Wen Yifan said calmly, “I’m quite sure of it.”
“Why?” asked Zhong Siqiao.
“Because I haven’t been good to him. There was a point in time when I was being prickly to him,” Wen Yifan pursed her lips, looking a little dejected. “Sang Yan was the only one who was nice to me…
“And yet I hurt him.”
She was guilty and felt sorry towards him.
Yet she knew, he would never allow someone to repeatedly trample on his pride.
Wen Yifan remembered it clearly. The second time their teachers mistook them for dating at an early age, she had already moved to her uncle’s house.
Although the teacher had contacted Zhao Yuandong, but because she was busy, she passed it to Wen Yifan’s uncle, Wen Liangxian. That’s why the person who came to the school was Wen Liangxian.
It was a Friday afternoon.
After both guardians had a talk, Wen Liangxian brought her home.
The drive back home was dead silent.
Wen Yifan was anxious throughout the drive and had carefully explained herself, but Wen Liangxian hadn’t said a word. Afraid that she might have spoken too much and would frustrate the man, she kept quiet after that.
Until they reached home.
Che Yanqin was there too, and when she saw that she’d come back she immediately said, “Shuang Liang, you really are disobedient. It hasn’t been easy to take care of you, and yet you created more issues for Uncle to sort out. He’s already busy with work. Can’t you be a little more considerate?”
Wen Yifan was still at the entrance. Her fingers were a little stiff. She didn’t even dare to take off her shoes. It felt like she shouldn’t enter the house. Like everything she did was wrong.
Wen Liangxian finally spoke.
“Ah Liang.”
Wen Yifan raised her head and silently waited for what he had to say.
She would never forget the words he said.
It was as though he finally tore apart all the hypocrisy he had shown.
Like he finally snapped.
“It’s not that I want to blame you, but you need to think it through – we’re not obligated to raise you,” Wen Liangxian looked similar to her own father, he just had slightly thicker brows. “But we still treat you like our own daughter.”
We’re not obligated to raised you.
Not obligated.
To raise you.
“…”
A lump formed in her throat and Wen Yifan couldn’t form any words.
That was the first time.
The first time they were being so direct about it.
“Your brother is preparing for his college entrance exam. We’re putting in all our efforts to support him. We just need you to be a little more obedient, don’t create any issues for us,” Wen Liangxian said, maintaining his composure. “Is that too difficult for you to do?”
Wen Yifan stood there and lowered her head.
She wanted to bury herself.
After a moment went by, she quietly replied, “I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.”
When she entered her room, Wen Yifan immediately got her phone out of the shelf. She the the button to start up her phone while her hands shook uncontrollably. She felt like a century passed while waiting for the device to come to life.
Wen Yifan found Zhao Yuandong’s contact and made a call.
After a very long while, when Wen Yifan thought the call was about to be redirected into voicemail, the line connected.
Zhao Yuandong’s voice sounded, “Ah Jiang?”
Wen Yifan’s nose burned and the tears that she had been holding back involuntarily poured out.
Wen Yifan wanted to tell her,
I’ll be obedient, I won’t fight with Zheng Kejia.
I’ll get along with Uncle Zheng.
So can’t you bring me over to your place instead?
Can’t you not leave me alone in Uncle’s place?
Mum, Uncle and his family doesn’t like me?
Can’t you bring me home?
But before Wen Yifan could say a word, Zheng Kejia’s voice could be heard from where Zhao Yuandong was.
The woman hurriedly said, “If there’s anything just let your uncle know. Be obedient over there, don’t date at such a young age, understand?”
And hung up.
Wen Yifan’s hands lowered when she heard the cold sound of the disconnect tone. Her vision blurred as her tears continued to flow and she sat on the ground.
At at moment, her only source of support had been disconnected, just like that phone call.
Much later, the device in her hand started vibrating again.
She belatedly glanced down at the incoming call.
– Sang Yan.
Wen Yifan stared at it for a long time before she picked up the call.
Both of them didn’t say a thing.
Sang Yan was the one who broke the silence. “You’re back?”
Wen Yifan replied with a quiet “Hm”.
“Were you scolded?” Sang Yan sounded a little nervous and was stammering. “I didn’t think the teacher would call our parents a second time over something so trivial. It was my fault, I’m so…”
“Sang Yan,” Wen Yifan cut him off.
Her emotions seemed to have reached him and Sang Yan stopped abruptly without saying another word.
That was the most emotions Wen Yifan had ever felt.
She was desperately trying to stop herself. She knew she shouldn’t say any of those words, especially when the boy was trying to apologise.
But she couldn’t control her emotions at all.
She could hear her own quiet voice cut through the silence in her own room.
“Can you please stop bothering me.”
TL/N : I want to hug her.
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